Our meeting with the birth mother a few weeks ago went great. We both found her easy to talk to, and the love she has for her baby was so clearly evident. She asked us tons of questions, and we got to share a lot about ourselves and our family. She shared about herself as well. Our hearts went out to her as she shared her story, and we both felt eager to help her in any way that we could. Later that day, her social worker shared with us that she felt it went well too. She also said that it is common not to hear from the birth mother for a few days as she processes all that is happening. We went to DC a few days later, and I was so grateful to be on a little vacation to kind of reset. The birth mother needing a few days to process made complete sense to me, especially after I did it myself.
A few weeks later, her social worker called to say that she had spoken to the birth mother. We found out that she had moved to another state, and that although she likes us a lot she really wants to give parenting a shot. We were a surprised that she left so suddenly, but we also know we can't fathom what her emotional process feels like. The social worker took our file off of hold so that other mothers can seek our family. Even though we got this information a little over a week ago, she has still been constantly on my heart and mind. As I pray for her, I often hope that our meeting served a purpose in her life and that it was helpful in some way.
I will admit that Josiah and I were both disappointed. I was more disappointed than I had been in the other two situations that were brought to our attention. This just felt so possible and close. It made us realize how badly we want to adopt, and we can certainly feel our patience running thin. I am a "second half" person. I always have a better perspective in the second half of my runs. The last portion of Josiah's shifts always seems a little easier than the first. I have a better attitude in March (as opposed to January and February). It motivates me to know I am over half done. So the idea of seeing the finish line in our adoption was really great. Having that finish line vanish was one of the more challenging parts of this process for us.
We also learned from the social workers that one of the reasons it has been taking a while is because people are uncomfortable giving their child to a family where the father is a police officer. We know that police aren't always seen in the best light, but we still found this surprising. The social workers talked about taking that information out of our book, but we decided to leave it. We are honored that Josiah gets to work in this field and it is a part of who we are. It would be dishonest not to include something that is so important to us.
The kids and I have been listening to a song we call, "Haven's Song". Haven is the baby's name. It has a lot of great lyrics, but some that have been particularly helpful to me are...
"What we give is what we have.
How we love is what will last,
and this hope we know will carry us through."
I am reminded that even through the disappointment, we have hope, hope that God has brought us here, and that he is using it all. It focuses me on the fact that whatever we gave this birth mother was important. Even if it was small, it will last in her heart. We may hear from her again; we may not. But we know regardless, our time together was important. We will continue to faithfully walk in this adoption path and we look forward to the day we can introduce baby #4 to all of you.