The other night I was putting the boys to bed. After the usual routine I kiss them each goodnight before leaving. On this particular night I whispered in each child's ear something that I was grateful for that they did that day. I told Braydon, "Thank you for being silly and laughing with me at lunch today and thank you for being such a great helper when I needed you". When I went to leave he started to cry. I asked him what was wrong and if my words has made him sad. He said, "I liked what you said, that is why I am crying!" It struck me how powerful my words are. Even a six year old can be moved by a kind word. Seeing my son, who is constantly reassured and complimented, crying over a compliment made me think of all the kids who never get to hear such things. It is incredibly powerful that those who are helping the disabled, or those who have a foster child, or those who work in a nursing home have the opportunity to whisper in their ears... and they may be the only person who ever does. Those words, I am sure, are literally life changing. This provides reassurance that we are progressing on a life-changing journey, and encourages me even more to continue down this path, a path that will hopefully add another child to my line of little boys to whom I am able to speak powerful words of truth and love. By God's grace, a heart will be changed for good.
"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones". Proverbs 15:241/27/2014 It's interesting how our kids process the information about adoption that we have shared with them. Braydon especially, remembers seeing a growing belly before a baby arrives. When we talk to them we explain, "Some other girls have babies in their bellies but they need help, so we will be the mom and dad"... they ask a few questions and then quickly the questions morph into, "If I had no heel could I walk?", "Is there police stuff in heaven?", or "Where's Elmo's house?" Then off we go on a rabbit trail. I think that their young age gives them a different perspective. If we say this is just a different way to have a baby, then they are fine with that. Our three boys hang on our every word, they trust us to prepare them for life and for what is ahead. Sadly, I am reminded of this truth every time I say something harsh or out of anger. Recently, I was reminded of the power behind our words in a more positive light...
The other night I was putting the boys to bed. After the usual routine I kiss them each goodnight before leaving. On this particular night I whispered in each child's ear something that I was grateful for that they did that day. I told Braydon, "Thank you for being silly and laughing with me at lunch today and thank you for being such a great helper when I needed you". When I went to leave he started to cry. I asked him what was wrong and if my words has made him sad. He said, "I liked what you said, that is why I am crying!" It struck me how powerful my words are. Even a six year old can be moved by a kind word. Seeing my son, who is constantly reassured and complimented, crying over a compliment made me think of all the kids who never get to hear such things. It is incredibly powerful that those who are helping the disabled, or those who have a foster child, or those who work in a nursing home have the opportunity to whisper in their ears... and they may be the only person who ever does. Those words, I am sure, are literally life changing. This provides reassurance that we are progressing on a life-changing journey, and encourages me even more to continue down this path, a path that will hopefully add another child to my line of little boys to whom I am able to speak powerful words of truth and love. By God's grace, a heart will be changed for good.
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Many people have been asking questions about the agency we are working with. The process of choosing was pretty quick for us; once we found Bethany it was completely clear that they were the best fit for us. As we began exploring different agencies, one particular consistency among other companies made me a little uncertain. As I looked through brochures and websites highlighting these agencies, I felt as though our family didn't quite fit in. Each website had places where you can look at other families currently waiting to adopt. I remember seeing beautiful families skiing in the Swiss Alps, vacationing in multiple exotic locations, or showing their incredible home and land. None of which we can compete with. I am sure all of these companies do great things and have wonderful qualities, I just didn't feel as though we would be a great match. Anyone who has ever vacationed with us (or even tried to take a family picture for longer than 15 seconds), can tell our family is a little more... messy. I was somewhat intimidated thinking about posting one of our dynamic family gems next to these picture-perfect families. My second hesitation was that many of them would require us to travel long distances a few times in the course of the adoption. Adding the cost of the travel (at least twice) and the time away (the second of the two trips being for two weeks), it just didn't seem possible. When I found Bethany's website, my first concern melted away. I got a completely different vibe. They had a clear emphasis on character and love. So I made an appointment for us to meet them in person. Bethany presented their information and explained how their process works. We learned quickly that they work regionally, so our adoption could be done locally. This was great news for us. We are adopting from a state within driving distance and travel will not be an obstacle. Secondly, the needs of children are so clearly at the forefront of this organization. They work mostly with pregnant teenagers. They offer these girls counseling, financial help, and medical help. They also work with hospitals and doctors, so that in a crisis situation they have the ability to immediately step in. If a mother is planning to leave the hospital right after birth (without the baby) for one reason or another (her choice, or the Department of Children and Families) she is afforded the option to allow Bethany to find a family. This way, a child who would quickly find themselves in the foster care system would instead be adopted immediately and placed with a family from Bethany. We thought this was incredible. Providing a home for the baby directly from the hospital could allow increased stability and consistency with their family that might be lost if the child had to transition through the foster care system. Jo and I weren't able to talk during the meeting so when we left I was a little curious what was going on in his head. It was a lot to process. When we got into the car I said, "So... what did you think?" I knew I was excited but I didn't know if that feeling would be matched or deflated. Jo smirked like he always does when he is up to something and said, "That whole time I kept thinking, we can do this, I'm ready, let's have another baby." We had a clear peace and joy in all that we had heard. The next few days, with preliminary applications and social worker placement, felt very much like just having taken a pregnancy test that came back positive. The excited butterflies enveloped me, but they were matched by the reality that kept running through my mind: "this will take a while, don't get too excited yet". Bethany was already feeling like the perfect fit. I know these all seem like baby steps. The main difference Jo and I have felt between pregnancy and adoption is that in pregnancy you get pregnant and quite suddenly you are 100% on track for a child. In adoption it's more like a form gets signed, a reference gets called, an application is accepted. All small pieces to a big puzzle that we cannot wait to see. A good friend told me to read an article today that perfectly motivated me for the baby steps ahead (thanks Cheryl). It's main point was that, sometimes the best training for the really big things is just the everyday things. The baby steps prepare and teach us, and we know that God is helping us get where we need to be. (Above is a link to Bethany's website)![]() About a week ago, something happened that Jo and I will never forget. Each Monday I go to a group called Mom's In Touch at my kids' school. Its been a great way for me to get to know a few other moms and really helped me feel a part of the school community. I've made some wonderful friends. We share with each other what our families are going through, the good and the bad, and we end in prayer. I have shared with them that Jo and I are in the adoption process but I didn't share anything on this particular Monday. One mother prayed for our baby that day, for protection, growth, and love. Then she prayed, "God, take care of the finances. We know that you are bigger than money and its no issue for you, please make it no issue for them". I appreciate any prayer or support that we receive so I was grateful for her thoughtfulness. I left with Milo and Luca and we came home to play outside. Soon after we got home, the mailman walked through our yard while we were playing and the kids barraged him with greetings (its just SO exciting to have someone in our yard). I went to get the mail and there was an envelope from a friend of Jo's from high school. I opened his mail (is that bad?) and there was nothing but a check for $1000; the memo line simply said "adoption!". Let me say now that Jo and I have not asked anyone for money. We actually feel pretty strongly about not asking for money. This is something we want to do, but not everyone has the same desires; not to mention that there are certainly others with a greater need than us. Jo talks to this friend a few times a year, mostly when he visits town, and in the last visit Jo had mentioned that we were pursuing adoption. The day after I got the check in the mail someone else handed me a check for $800. Both times tears instantly came to my eyes. Seeing hearts move for a common goal is one of the most beautiful things in the world. I believe whole-heartedly that my friend's prayer was a part of the miracle. Jo and I like to be responsible with our money and it is important to us that we act realistically in this process, so these extra gifts are huge encouragements. A few days after Christmas we got a card from a very close friend, who also gave money and wrote, "Although he/she won't have the Aberle chin, we can't wait to love them just the same." I am excitedly saving these notes for our new child to show them that they have been loved unconditionally from before they were even known to us, not only from Jo and me, but from so many of our friends and family that bless and support us. Over the weekend I was listening to a speaker talk about our role as Americans in global giving. The speaker said, "So often people say that we think too highly of our money. That's why saving and being cautious is so important, but what if its really that we think too little of our money? We save it or buy things, when it could literally save a life in another country". Although this wasn't about adoption I see the parallel. I in no way have this figured out, but I know that I don't want to lose sight of what my heart knows is of true value. This summer Jo and I found ourselves in a familiar conversation. A conversation we have had about once every two years since we got married. Is it time for another baby? In the past, these conversations have been quick and pregnancy has followed within a few weeks. This summer we decided, no, we were not going to try to get pregnant (for a number of good reasons). Even so, by September we were still unsettled about it. I was sad, but figured I would be sad whenever we were done. We had talked about adoption a few times but always ended the conversation with, "its probably not for us". We decided just to pray more and give it some more time. One morning we were watching our kids play at a park and talking about our family, and Jo said to me, "So I think its time for us to look into adoption". We talked about how its a lot of money, paperwork and hoops to jump through... big home inspections with strict rules, lawyer fees and lots of unknown territory… we still had no idea if it was even feasible. We continued to pray and realize that our family was not done. We came to realize that the child to be raised was not biological. Somewhere out there, there is an Aberle. A child God wants us to raise, love, and cherish.
We took it slow and researched a bunch of agencies. In early October, we went to our first meeting and found ourselves on board with a company called Bethany Christian Services. We loved everything they had to say, and the two hour drive up and back gave us lots of time to talk things through. The more we found out the more we realized this is something we really wanted to do. Today I just wanted to share what we have ahead of us! The process is long and we have been slowly sharing our news. It has been so encouraging to have so much love, support, and prayers. This baby will not lack love. I know many wanted to stay updated, so I figured this would be a nice way to do that. The miracles we have seen even since October have been incredible, there will be many stories to come! I will leave you with a quote that Jo and I both like, that reflects how we feel about parenting. It's by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield, " Anything worth doing will take time and cost you something. We noticed, as our attention focused more on families and children, that many people in our community protect themselves from inconvenience as though inconvenience is deadly. We have decided that we are not inconvenienced by inconvenience. The needs of children come up unexpectedly. We are sure that the Good Samaritan had other plans that fateful day. Our plans are not sacred." |
AuthorJo and I met when we were 15 and we have been married for 9 years. We have three boys, Braydon, Milo, and Luca. Archives
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