I have to admit that having her over has sort of put me into a "nesting" mode. I want to get a carpet cleaner and make sure there isn't a single spot, touch up paint, and organize my underwear drawer (ridiculous, I know). The hard part is the kids wreck faster than I can fix and my little steps sometimes seem futile. It has made me think though, am I working hard for her arrival because I want to show her a perfect little family? Do I want her to see the neat and orderly Aberles who have a nice and organized home, three clean little boys with their shirts tucked in (who are always polite and courteous), and a husband and wife who are always head over heels and in full agreement with each other?
Certainly, this is something to wrestle against.... because as you can imagine, that's not what you'll find in our house. It makes me a little nervous, but also a great deal relieved to just concentrate on being transparent and being ourselves. Maybe I should open with the story of when Milo ran away, that will show her the amount of control I really have. I can tell her about how the construction worker, who happened to be on my road, saw me looking and helped me search for a good ten minutes. We searched until I was dizzy and couldn't breathe, only to find Milo hiding under my parents back porch, too scared to come out to his frantic mother. I can tell her about the days when the kids are so mean to each other that every privilege is taken away and bedtime is early. Or how I have moments of worry, where I feel inadequate as a parent and as a wife, and despite my efforts think that someone else could do it all better. I could leave all the playmobil, trucks, legos, puzzles, and old snacks all over the floor, let the Fresh Beats play loudly in the background, and exclaim over the playing/fighting children, "Let's talk about financial disagreements and healthy sex!"
I know there is a middle ground, and that will be my realistic goal for our next meeting. I know that she isn't looking for a perfect, cookie cutter family. I know, she already knows we are dynamic and that some days are harder than others. Hopefully, through seeing it all, she will see a true home. A home where God is gracious on the days that we fail (and a God who is in much greater control than we are) , a family who is happy even when its messy, and a place where love and life lessons are embraced.
Say a prayer for us as we take this next step! We are thankful for the chance to continue on, and we know it will all be worth it as we let God extend our family!