Since that time in August, I have found myself asking God, "If not adoption, what would you like me to focus on right now?" I know that sounds a little crazy since I have a home, three kids, work, and several other commitments, but it feels difficult to be ready to do something (like adoption) but not actually do it. I think God has been merciful and has answered my question. He has given us friends to come along side and pray for, he has showed us new ways to help at church, I have the opportunity to help with some things at the kids school, and He has given us a chance to help Haven's mom. I am sure many of you remember Haven from last spring. We are not revisiting her because adoption is an option, but her situation has changed and we are in a position as a family to assist her. I spoke with Haven's mom a few weeks ago, and it was really neat to talk to her three months after Haven's birth. It's been a unique opportunity, since normally this kind of contact doesn't happen, but Josiah and I have realized that God's plans often involve some sort of surprise.
Someone said to me a couple weeks ago, "It's like your in the adoption ministry, but not actually adopting." Yes. It feels like that to me too, but I know God brought us here for a multitude of reasons. I still firmly believe we are going to adopt someday. A few days after we realized we weren't able to keep Titus, our social worker wrote us a very thoughtful email, I have actually read it many, many times since she sent it. The last paragraph has been particularly meaningful and has given me strength for moving forward.
I sit back and can see how you both have played vital roles in two Bethany birth mother /babies now. I am sure there are a host of mixed feelings that come with that, including wondering when you will get to bring your child home. I do not have the answer to that. But what I can say is that both of you have struck me from day one as two individuals who are spiritually mature beyond your years and so I believe that because of this, “To much is given much will be required.” God has asked you to play a role and stand in the gap in circumstances that He felt you two were best suited to. And I also believe that when your fourth child does come along God is going to bless your socks off.
Please continue to pray for us. For strength to wait and strength to pray. Please pray for Titus's birth mom who is always on my heart, and Haven and her mom as well. What a privilege it has been to meet these people during this journey, and what a privilege it is to share the moments with all of you.