The birthmother went into labor on Saturday. She had a healthy six pound baby girl in the evening. Since it was late, the social workers planned to see her first thing Sunday morning. The birthmother went into labor with adoption in mind. She said she had been picturing the baby with me all week, and informed the nurses that she wouldn't be nursing, etc. because the baby was going to be adopted. During this time a few of her family member's became aware that she was in labor and started talking to her about keeping the baby. By the time the social workers saw her in the morning, she had completely changed her mind. She had no car seat, no supplies, no name for this precious girl, but she is a mother and her mothering instinct took over. By the time she left the hospital she had decided to raise the baby on her own and to namer her Sahira.
Josiah and I saw some of the writing on the wall, but it has still been a process to let go. Since we met her only a week ago, our minds are still fresh with her story and of the hardships she has in her life. We know her days are not going to be easy, and we are going to need to be committed to praying for her in the weeks to come. We feel weary as we have yet again come so close and have had to move on. Our adoption company says they have never seen a family go through as much as we have. The names, faces, siblings, and struggles that have come and gone through our adoption path seem to be a never-ending list. I literally said to one of the social workers (out of my own frustration), "How many birth mom's do I have to meet before this happens?" and she simply said, "As many as He (God) needs you to."
Since all of this has transpired, I have had a scene from The Grinch in my head. Over and over, I am reminded of the scene where the Grinch waits at the top of the hill as Whoville wakes on Christmas morning. He waits for them to have their horrified, sad reaction to the fact that he stole their Christmas. As the Grinch waits, he realizes that he doesn't hear that at all. He hears singing, celebrating, and the joy of Christmas morning. Each time we have a disappointing turn in our adoption path I feel like we are given that choice. The choice to be sad and the choice to be joyful. I have certainly felt weary this week. I have definately felt grief, but I choose to also sing and feel joy. I ran into a friend today who has recently had some physical difficulties, and she said to me, "I am so happy today to just be doing normal things." Her words stuck with me the rest of the day. Even just doing normal things in a blessing to someone. My life is filled with goodness and I want to choose to remember that even when our path takes a drastic turn.
Yesterday an interesting article popped up on my Facebook feed. I felt like it had been placed there as a gift just for me. This was my favorite part...
Also, let’s think about an area of our life where we’ve been waiting for what seems like an unreasonable amount of time. Let’s determine today not to mistake this delay for a dead end. Let’s trust Him today. And choose to believe He is packing great purpose into our places of pausing. -Lysa TerKeurst
So here we are again. Our family is faithfully waiting for Aberle baby #4, fighting for the hope and determination that we had before. We are thankful as we wait. We are thankful for all of you. We believe God is packing great purpose in this adoption pause.